Queer Ethnic Youth (QEY) in Aotearoa, New Zealand
Ethnic youth are one of the fastest growing populations in Aotearoa. Approximately 155,750 (18.5%) of Aotearoa’s ethnic population from the four official ethnic groupings (African, Asian, Latin American, and Middle Eastern) are between 12-24 years of age, with an estimated 15,575 (10%) representing ethnic queer young people. Asian, Middle Eastern, Latin American and African young people often draw on or are responsive to cultures that differ from the dominant European culture in Aotearoa.
The researchers of the QEY project carried out confidential, qualitative, face to face, semi-structured interviews with 43 young ethnic queers between 18 and 35 years in which knowledge was shared of their understandings and experiences of family, community, and intimate partner relationships. The following is a recording of a webinar presenting the findings and paper summaries that focus on disclosing queerness, racism, professional and social support, family and community, and intimate partner relationships.
Paper Summaries
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Queer ethnic people are one of the most invisible population groups even in their own communities. They are typically surrounded by a heterosexual family and have minimal access to adult lesbian and gay communities. For queer ethnic young people in Aotearoa New Zealand, the intersections of family, culture, religion, race, and migration status make disclosing queerness a complex and fraught journey. In addition, the small population of “out” ethnic queers in Aotearoa makes it difficult for young ethnic people to find community and support if and when they choose to come out.
Disclosing one’s queerness was not seen as a process or journey that was meant for everyone, and for many young ethnic queers, “letting in” depended on their family, community, and social environment. In communities where homosexuality was considered to contravene cultural and religious ideals, queer ethnic young people had self-doubts about their feelings toward others of similar-sex and often denied or dismissed these emotions. Coming out to oneself was a challenge for many as they realized that they had to own their own truth before disclosing this truth to others.
For many ethnic queers, the act of “coming out” was repeated in several situations for a variety of reasons. This could be when parents and families had difficulty accepting their queerness, believed that it was just a particular phase in their lives, or reminded them in subtle or less subtle ways that they expected them to marry someone of the opposite sex.
The level of vulnerability and acceptance that young ethnic queers felt with their family influenced the degree to which they disclosed their queerness. They knew that the risks of disclosure included homelessness, being ostracized, or shame-talked by the family. They were also aware that the reputation of their family would be damaged if the extended family or community found out that someone in the family was queer and this was effective at silencing their expressions of queerness or any discussions on the subject. While young ethnic queers recognize the significance of coming out, their familial relationship, kinship, and loyalty take precedence in their decision not to openly disclose their queerness.
For young ethnic queers, the prominence given to their queerness by family and community detracted from the many other areas of their lives such as being a sister, brother, dancer, researcher, daughter, child, friend, or partner.
Some parents of young ethnic queers had made a determined effort to understand their children through counselling, and the young people had accepted that they needed to give parents time to process their queerness. For ethnic young people though, it was the most wonderful and affirming experience for them when parents were accepting of their queer identity.
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Family and community make a significant contribution to the lives of ethnic young people in Aotearoa New Zealand. Community is seen as a shared place where commonly held beliefs, attributed to cultural and religious belief systems, informed interactions and relationships. However, the support that queer ethnic young people receive from family and community is compromised by homophobic attitudes and behaviours influenced by misinformation, religious beliefs, and cultural practices. Community attitudes and behaviours toward queerness impact young ethnic queers, their family and community relationships.
For many young ethnic queers in Aotearoa, their communities used ‘respectability politics’ to uphold cultural norms and to be accepted by society. Gossip and rumors were used by the community to reinforce queerness as a Western ideology that sought to corrupt a community’s cultural and religious values. The gossip, rumors, silence, and stigma of family and community towards queerness resulted in gender silencing and monitoring, rejection, and self-exclusion of young ethnic queers as their sexual and gender identity became a barrier to their participation in family and community life. This exacerbated their feelings of cultural alienation in a society where ethnic people are already racialized and minoritized, and where the lack of support systems compounds an unsafe environment for queer ethnic young people.
Having queer children tended to rupture the family’s relationships with the community as many ethnic communities were intolerant of queer identity and reinforced the belief that queerness was not part of their cultural practices. The family’s need for social interactions and the desire to ‘save face’ with extended family and community thus impacted their acceptance of their children’s sexuality.
Although ethnic communities may appear to be less accepting of queerness, framing these communities as homophobic ignores the larger social, political, and economic contexts in which family and community rejection may take place. Homonegative attitudes within ethnic communities require education and interventions at the interpersonal as well as communal level. Dealing with other family members and communities who might not support a gender nonconforming child or children in similar sex relationships might be disconcerting and unsettling. Parents and families will need support and skills to manage these interactions and attitudes. Stigma and discrimination within families require interventions and education at the individual and interpersonal level as well as at a community and structural policymaking level. Overall, government and local bodies need to commit resources for the professional and social support of young ethnic queers, their families, and communities.
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The presence of long-term, ethnic, queer intimate partner relationships is missing from the landscape of the ethnic queer community in Aotearoa New Zealand. For young ethnic queers, this lack of visibility denies them knowledge of how ethnic queers form and develop intimate partner relationships in a society that marginalizes their ethnicity, and communities that stigmatize their queerness. Young ethnic queers are as contradictory in their expectations of intimate partner relationships as they are diverse in their experiences. From seeking monogamy to the freedom of polyamory, from wanting assurance of permanence to expecting partners to accept that relationships are finite, young ethnic people in queer relationships do not - or perhaps do not see the need to - follow a prescribed pattern.
Despite cultural traditions forbidding certain types of relationships, and the expectations for certain practices to take place, relationships are as diverse as the people and cultures. For young ethnic queers in Aotearoa, intimate partner relationships are happening despite being constrained by a small ethnic queer community and the expectation for heterosexual relationships within their ethnic communities.
Young ethnic queers define intimacy in ways that accommodate the type of relationship they are seeking at the time. For many of the ethnic queer female participants, multiple minority statuses result in additive stress caused by racism and having to hide their sexuality. In a society where heterosexual relationships are socially constructed as the norm, some of the participants hold heteronormative ideals of relationships. Mental health is rarely acknowledged or discussed in most ethnic communities in Aotearoa and it is difficult for queer ethnic young people to know how to cope with or seek help for mentally unwell partners. Societal condemnation of homosexuality leaves many young ethnic queers with internalized homophobia resulting in conflict with their intimate partner. Similarly, being in relationships with persons who hold racist beliefs undermines the self-worth of young ethnic queers particularly if they have chosen to continue the relationship.
Despite the pressures and expectations from their communities for heterosexual relationships, young ethnic queers still seek intimacy and affirmation from intimate partner relationships.
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Aotearoa New Zealand has come some way regarding the rights and protections of the LGBTQ+ community. Queer people are becoming increasingly recognized and embraced by society. However, the mainstream LGBTQ+ community in Aotearoa is largely focused on white queerness and there is a notable but unacknowledged absence of ethnic queers within mainstream society. Queer ethnic youth in Aotearoa New Zealand are a multi-marginalized group, many of whom are subjected to racism and racial microaggressions from a predominantly Pākehā (white) queer community. Queer ethnic young people in Aotearoa live at the intersection of racism and rejection and often find that they must constantly rationalize their existence or affirm their ethnic identity when among white queers. This presents a unique set of struggles for young ethnic queers who often find that they have to educate white queers, many of whom are unaware of, or unable to acknowledge their racism. Feeling safe in queer spaces brings comfort, community, and acceptance but these spaces were few. Privileging gay as the master identity in the queer community assumes that everyone experiences being gay in the same way, and restricting queer representation to this white racial frame has marginalized young ethnic queers. The intersecting identities of queer ethnic young people exposes them to white queers who often use their whiteness to illustrate their privilege and sustain their racism. The sexual racism experienced by young ethnic queers have resulted in them being sexually objectified, masculinized, or femininized by white queers and sometimes their own peers. LGBTQ+ people from diverse ethnic and religious backgrounds are calling for queer community organizations and services, events, and venues to cater to the diverse cultural backgrounds of their multicultural and multi-sexual populations. The openly queer ethnic community in Aotearoa is very small, but there is safety in numbers, as well as support, advocacy, affiliation, differences, and similarities in shared stories and experiences. Young and older ethnic queers need to build and strengthen their family and community of queers if they are to thrive in the presence of racism and adversity from the wider society and affirm their ethnic, gender, and sexual diversity.
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This paper looks at mainstream lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex and asexual (LGBTQIA+) support services in Aotearoa New Zealand, which predominantly center white queer voices and services and fail to account for the intersectional identities of young ethnic queers.
The findings from the study showed that young ethnic queers responded to the lack of adequate support services by establishing their own voluntary organizations and support networks. The study revealed that ethnic queer young people were critical of the white-dominated LGBTQIA+ support organizations; they created their own transformative spaces where they found “family” and community where they could be open about their queerness without the fear of rejection and stigma, while still advocating for equitable resources and an intersectional approach in queer mainstream services.
This paper provides valuable information on the lack of support for queer ethnic young people in Aotearoa New Zealand. The absence of information on the needs of this group poses a challenge to government departments, which rely on data to inform policy and allocate resources. The limited research and knowledge of this community make them less visible and, consequently, less likely to be given resources. It also means that harmful practices and behaviors toward queer ethnic young people by families and communities are more likely to go unnoticed and unaddressed. The paper also shows that the agency of young ethnic queers to create their own transformative spaces and to challenge the white-centric spaces, which have failed to consider their intersectional identities, has been instrumental to their well-being.
Please note: QEY is not a project by Sesa Mathlo Apothecary. The researchers of the study are Professor Camille Nakhid, Caryn Yachinta and Mengzhu Fu. . The above papers were written collectively by Camille Nakhid, Tommy Sokun Long, Mengzhu Fu, Makanaka Tuwe, Zina Abu Ali, Lourdes Vano, Pooja Subramanian, Caryn Yachinta and Claire Farrugia. The above presentation was presented by Caryn, Makanaka (Sesa Mathlo Apothecary’s Founder), Lourdes, Zina and Camille.